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Have you ever gone through a process where you are seeing a guy, but for some reason, the guy stops calling or doesn't
put anymore effort into progressing things with you?
This is actually quite common. I hear many women complain to me,
"Jester, I don't like to give out my number because guys stop calling me back after a couple phone calls." or "I don't know
why, but out of nowhere he just doesn't seem interested in me anymore. He doesn't try to call me or ask me out."
There
is a common problem amongst women in our culture. Society says it is up to the man to put all the effort into progressing
a relationship. The man is the one to make all the moves (handholding, calling, asking out, kissing). While it is necessary
for men to do most of the FIRST moves, this doesn't mean the woman must always take the passive seat in the relationship.
It
is important for a man to feel like he is getting somewhere with the woman he desires. When you make a "move" you are rewarding
a man's efforts by showing him that his efforts are winning you over. In psychology, this is called positive reinforcement.
If
you don't call a man once in awhile on your own, or suggest a meet up once in awhile, you will make him feel like you are
uninterested. This is called negative reinforcement.
Reward his desirable behaviors. When a man calls you and tells
you something really sweet that makes your day, let him know. But don't just say, do. Give him a head scratch the next time
you see him and tell him it's because he made your day. If you want him to keep calling you, give him a call once in awhile.
A
man needs to know you are still interested in him just as much as you need to know that you are still desired.
I can
remember seeing this girl who was wonderful when we went out together for the first time. But after the first night, she started
behaving rudely and negatively. She would return my phone calls days later or not at all. She wouldn't commit to hanging out.
Finally, I stopped calling her. A few weeks later, I got a call from her upset asking me why I don't call her anymore.
In
my salsa parties, I dance with many different girls. The ones that I dance with are the ones that give me huge smiles when
I walk up to them and the ones that tell me how much they love dancing with me. However, it never stops surprising me when
a girl who never makes eye contact with me or shows no interest in me walks up to me upset, or text messages me saying, "Why
don't you ever ask me to dance?"
Ladies, don't be afraid to be proactive. Men aren't as intuitive as you. When you
react noncommittal or aloof, they don't feel like you are attracted to them. A man's ego is sensitive. He usually won't work
for a woman who he thinks doesn't like him.
-Jester-
MDC Executive Coach
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