For you ladies that have read The Rules, this little section is especially for you.
Intuitively, you understand that men need challenge in their lives, and the harder they work to get you, the more they value you. This is absolutely true, but be careful. This concept can be taken too far. I have dated and talked to many women who have said that, “I don’t call guys, I don’t accept Saturday dates past Wednesday, and I don’t have sex until I’m in a relationship.”
When a man hears any one of these phrases coming from a woman’s mouth, he never says, “God, I’d love to have a woman like that in my life.” Those statements automatically turn guys off. Challenge is great for guys, but when taken too far, you set off what I call his “conquering instincts.” If a man has to work extremely hard to get you, the process of the relationship is no longer enjoyable, but is now just an obstacle to overcome and conquer and even worse, he may stop being that attractive man you once liked and become your new obsessed stalker. Not only that, but if he knows you’re playing mind games with him, he will lose respect for you. In his eyes, you will be no different than all the other immature girls that play games. Trust me on this one. If you’re doing this excessively with a quality guy in the early stages, he won’t be waiting by the phone, he’ll be dating other women!
On the other extreme, many women are way too available and come across as easy. It’s important to give a man the gift of missing you. Don’t call him the day after a date that lasted all day. Give him time to think about it. Calling too much and trying to make plans all the time makes a man feel tied down. The ultimate fear for a man is that he is losing his freedom, which is just as strong as your fear of being perceived as slutty. Men thrive on freedom. Think about the movie Braveheart.
Don’t have sex with him on the first night that you meet him if you want to see him again. Give him space and let him come back to chase you a little bit. There must be a healthy balance of push and pull in a relationship. This process also doesn’t end after a true relationship begins. Many relationships suffer a lack of chemistry after the “in love” stage finally passes by. The key to building back the chemistry is to continue this push and pull process. Some people may see this as game playing and manipulative behavior, and it can be when taken to an extreme, but it can also be a very enjoyable and rewarding process if done in moderation. To learn more specifics about applying this push and pull concept or any other dating and relationship advice, feel free to schedule a consultation.