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What is oneitis?
Oneitis - A “disease” that happens when you like someone so much that you make AFC (Average Frustrated Chump) mistakes and overanalyze your interactions with that person. Or, a person who you are absolutely infatuated with and think about all the time.
This is an interesting debate in the community. Personally, I’m not against people having oneitises. I’m against any kind of bad behavior a person exhibits when they do fall for someone.
There are two kinds of oneitis folks. The bad kind and the good kind. Allow me to explain.
The bad kind of oneitis entails an unhealthy obsession where you sacrifice yourself, your time, your dignity, etc. for someone who isn’t interested or doesn’t even know who you are.
The good kind is when you actually meet someone special that makes you completely infatuated. You have spent time with her, and she also crushes on you too.
The bad kind is what most AFCs have unfortunately. Imagine that friend of yours, maybe it was or still is you, completely obsessed with a girl who hardly cares for him only because he sees the world in a scarcity mentality. He probably has little to no experience dating. He would do anything for her. He goes out of his way just to watch her walk by. He acts nervous and awkward around her. He carefully asks her preplanned questions that would make her think he is a nice guy and want to settle down in a relationship with him, even though all it does is make him appear more and more needy, desperate, and boring to her. Sometimes, if he is lucky, she will let him take her out to dinner as friends. He would cut off his pinky finger to just get a chance to take her home. It’s a very sad thing to see because all of his efforts just dig his hole deeper with the girl, and he eventually gets heartbroken. This is a reason why a lot of nice guys become assholes because of heartbreaks like this. Trust me, I’ve been there before and it is largely the reason why I have learned so much and am teaching men now.
So you may be asking, “How do I prevent or stop the bad kind of oneitis?”
Easier said than done, dude.
1. The most important thing is not to see the world as our friend up there does. He sees the world in a scarcity mentality, where he sees women as a rare opportunity. Look around you. Women are everywhere! Billions of them! This is called an abundance mentality. Remember, there are hundreds of girls that are just as great as she is and thousands who are better. Really ask yourself, “What does she have to offer you that other women cant?” and make sure she actually qualifies your standards. Don’t project a false, flawless image of her in your mind.
2. The second thing to do is to go out and regularly meet women. The more doors you knock on, the more will open. It doesn’t matter if your game sucks. If you could only attract one girl out of a hundred, but go out 3 times a week, and approach women like a machine, you’d still have lots of women to choose from. Now, if you want to better your odds, read the Men’s Dating Guide to help you get started or take a boot camp with us if you are serious about getting better. When you meet women on a regular basis, you will have options, and having options makes you less likely to fall in love with someone who doesn’t like you back.
3. Stop doing the wrong things and do the right things! Stop stalking her, and start distancing yourself. She’ll wonder why you aren’t showering her with attention anymore and try to get your validation again. You can then briefly bring up the topic of girls you are “sort of seeing.” This will totally phase out a girl who thought you were into her and make her start chasing you. Stop asking her questions all the time and stop seeking rapport. This is boring behavior and it’s needy. Instead, do the opposite and break rapport. Tease her about how she’s dressed, or how her nose is kind of pointy and you want to put it in a bun and eat it. Don’t be an asshole, be a jerk. The only difference between an asshole and a jerk is that the jerk has a sense of humor. If she’s laughing, you’re attracting. She will eventually start asking you questions. Once she starts trying to seek rapport with you then you can go ahead and start engaging in “getting to know you” conversation. Be careful not to get boring again though.
Many guys in the community think that being infatuated or having oneitis with a girl is weak, and AFC. I disagree because we are human beings with emotions. We aren’t social robots. At least most of us. It’s okay to want to keep a woman around. If we didn’t have this emotional circuitry, families wouldn’t exist.
If you are a man who has a healthy case of oneitis, think of it as a positive thing! It’s actually quite fun to have oneitis, especially when you are dating or sleeping with her. Your browser may not support display of this image. It makes the relationship that much more enjoyable. We learn game and go through our journey of self improvement so that we can score the lucky ones that come to be our oneitises. When we get the women we really want, it’s such a satisfying feeling. Imagine hearing your oneitis tell you how she thinks about you all the time and that she loves you. It’s in that moment that you realize all that time you have worked learning how to attract women and getting burned over and over and over again is worth it in the end.
Dan Silverman,
MDC Executive Coach
“There are hundreds of women that are as great as she is out there in the world and thousands that are even better.”
-Jester-