This might come as a surprise to many of our readers, but it is true. Yes, almost everyone who first begins learning the art of attraction will see some immediate improvement, but it’s very rare that they’ll achieve the level of success that they initially set out for. From my own personal history, and seeing the long term progress of both my clients and friends who study pick up and attraction on there own, I’ve realized the reason comes down to two key factors.
The first factor is motivation. I’ll often see new guys come into the forums with questions, who are eager to learn, but I’ve realized that time effectively weeds out those who are willing to make the commitment to change and those looking for a quick fix. If a guy sticks in this for three months, then he’s usually one of the guys who are serious about making that change. However, going down this road is no easy feat by any means. It involves discovering core weaknesses and flaws, a multitude of rejections and frustrations that tear at your self-esteem, possibly losing old friends, placing yourself in extremely uncomfortable and at times embarrassing situations, and immeasurable effort and commitment that can often be tedious. Under the “Mastery Learning Curve,” which we at Miami Dating Coach explain in great detail at our boot camps, you will even find times when you simply don’t see yourself getting better, or even worse. Is it no wonder why so many simply can’t take the pain and push through it all?
For those that choose to though, there are only two answers. I once heard someone say that the only way he got through the pain period was through “blind faith.” Blind faith that this works, blind faith that one day he will get to the level he desires, blind faith that his hard work and commitment will pay off…because if not, there’s nothing else. The only other option is to go back to living the life you wanted to change, and for those with enough motivation, that is simply not an option. This is exactly what I encountered during my personal journey and what it takes. Without blind faith in what you’re learning, regardless of any immediate proof or success, there’s no way someone can get through those hard times.
The second answer is your drive, that motivating force. For some of you, like myself, it’s because you feel passionate for this and love “The Game” and the social psychology behind it. For others, it might be due to a deep wound, such as being dumped or never having any success with women. Finally, for other groups, it could just be you want to finally lose your virginity, simply want more options, hope to find your ideal girl, or maybe you don’t even know and require some soul searching to find your drive. Whatever your reason might be, the more powerful drive you have the better you will become. The more drive you have, the more time and energy you will put into this, not only making you better, but making you better faster.
The second factor to achieving your ideal success is learning. To be more accurate, the factor would be how to learn. The problem is most guys who begin this don’t know the proper way of learning what is being taught. Poor learning styles stem from three issues, namely the learning motivation, scientific approach vs. natural approach, and sticking point analysis. The two types of learning motivation are “Mastery Oriented” and “Result Oriented.” Those who are result oriented care about performing well and the results they can get from it. These types of learners are dependant on the judgments made of them, whether it’s the girl they’re interacting with, their friends, and often themselves. They care strongly about looking good in front of others, need positive feedback, and avoid negative judgments about their ability. Mastery oriented learners want to continually improve their skills and abilities, understand that they are developing a skill set that takes time to master, care more about the long term goals than the short term goals, are open to and value all forms of feedback, regardless if it’s negative or positive, and most importantly, care more about the process than the result. A result oriented learner can still become good, especially if he is already confident in his abilities, but it becomes much more difficult.
The next learning problem comes from those who either try a scientific approach or natural approach. The scientific approach consists largely of outer game and deals with the “how to” of pick up and dating. People who take this approach focus on lines, routines, tactics, and a very structured, almost step by step instruction for how to get the girl. The problem here, though, is it often turns men into what’s called “social robots,” who demonstrate no real personality or authenticity and become jaded and one dimensional. On the other end of the spectrum, there are guys who start off doing a natural approach, focused mostly on inner game, and these guys often become weird, miscalibrated, and often chaotic when it comes to the skill set. These guys will try off the wall tactics that, while pushing their comfort zone and increasing self amusement, have no actual basis for a solid interaction, and often cause them to be laughed at or can even frighten some girls.
Ideally, what you would want to do is start off with the scientific approach for a particular skill, such as opening, and once a successful skill set is internalized, begin to transition it into something more natural that’s congruent with your unique personality. This is why Miami Dating Coach is the first, and one of the only companies, to offer both an outer game and inner game boot camp to help show clients how to accomplish this effectively.
Finally, the last main learning problem comes from poor sticking point analysis. This is when I see guys who have been doing this for a while, in some cases even longer then myself, and still have problems in basic areas and are not seeing success. The problem is they try to work on everything at once and don’t take care of problematic issues piece by piece. While it’s true that, often enough, just going out and practicing by approaching and interacting with women will auto-correct most problems, many times an analysis of reoccurring problems that happen in your interactions are needed.
By discovering where most interactions go bad, possible solutions to try and fix the problem, and implementing the solutions with practice, your skill can increase drastically. It should also be pointed out that many times the problem might not be obvious, such as something you are doing way before the interaction goes badly, or something that you can’t directly notice, such as your body language. This is the cause for endless frustration for many men practicing pick up and what, as a dating coach, I am skilled at recognizing quickly and finding the best solutions, to take out all the guess work.
It’s pretty clear that understanding how to properly be motivated, and the right way to learn, is just as important as the skill set itself. Pick up, teaching, and learning are all arts, and by taking college and graduate level lessons in educational psychology, learning and motivation, and teaching tactics, I was able to ensure I knew the right way to learn pick up. Something I pass along on all my boot camps. Through my experience teaching boot camps, I ensure that you don’t simply learn the material and are good for a weekend, but that you continue to improve and constantly get better months, and even years, after taking a boot camp with me.
Stay motivated and learn the right way.
Jarett AKA Psych,
Former MDC Instructor
“The only thing that stands between a man and what he wants from life is often merely the will to try it and the faith to believe that it is possible.” - Richard M. Devos