Kingpin is a great friend of mine who used to take guys out in field and shoot negative beliefs with a shotgun. Unfortunately, he can’t be there for every guy with negative thoughts…. but he has written an article for the masses of you guys to explain exactly what he does to solve his inner game problems. Here it is guys. Take it away, Kingpin!
Kingpin on Inner Game
Inner Game… what is inner game?
Has it ever happened to you where you ask someone for advice and they give a very vague answer and although the advice is good, it does not in any way become practical?
For example, I remember this: I had to give a speech in my middle school, and I was dead nervous. Consider the fact that I had social anxiety, which is mostly when you worry way too much about people judging your every move. So, I went to my mom and asked her, “Mom what can I do to make this nervousness go away?”… She simply replied with, “Just be confident and do your best!” That was the advice given to me. It was to be confident and do my best! Ok… I went to class the next day… The fear and anxiety was there… and I just remember thinking… how the heck does one become confident?
We all read the books, see the videos, and hear the audios: You have to be a funny, charming and confident guy, that’s how the girls will love you. Ok if it were that easy… why can’t we just become funny, confident, and charming right after we put down the book? The answer to that is because the personalities we’ve been forming since we were born do not consist of all those wonderful things. It isn’t about being confident or charming, it’s about realizing, that you have to decide and embark on a journey of personality change. So why isn’t it easy to change our personalities? Because that is something we don’t control directly! It is something our subconscious mind dictates!
When I got tired of being afraid and anxious all the time, that’s when I really, really put my foot down, and said to myself that I was going to change! Changing my personality, which in return will change my feelings. When dealing with inner game, that’s what you are doing. You are changing the beliefs that affect your feelings and emotions.
So why do we get nervous before speaking in front of a group? Why do we get nervous approaching that tiny cute little woman? Why do we fear other people humiliating us in public? Why do we fear being put down?
Because our subconscious mind is there to warn us of possible dangers. We have trained it over the years to fear these situations because in the past, we didn’t know how to control the situation itself, causing us emotional pain and distress. Our subconscious is there to protect us, and in return, it stands in the way of our goals.
This is how things work:
- You have the situation - This can either be that beautiful girl standing there, or it can be a presentation you have to give in front of people.
- Your perception of the situation - There is a beautiful girl standing there. If I go talk to her I will get rejected and be humiliated, thus causing me low self esteem and emotional pain. (I must not approach or I will be hurt!) Or I need to give a presentation and people are going to judge me. They will think I’m a joke, thus lowering my value and my self esteem, causing me emotional pain. (I must do my best to try and keep myself away from there!) This is all subconscious by the way!
- The feelings - Shaking, sweaty palms, cracking voice, lack of eye contact, submissive body language, depression, and other symptoms. So what’s going on here? How can we actually solve this problem and go out there and be “confident and charming”?
As you can tell… you can only really control numbers 2 and 3. Number 1 is out of your control. Those are the things that happen and aren’t really your fault. Like your car breaks down, or you get hit by lightning, or a hot woman walks by you.
But number 2 and 3 are up to you. Don’t get me wrong… not at will… but with practice and dedication, you can start catching your perception and what you’re saying to yourself after a specific situation… which can then take a toll on emotion or feelings.
It is very important to recognize that whenever your feeling any kind of “feeling” there was a perception before it. Of course you can get high, and feel “different”… but without the drugs, any feeling you get in your body was followed by some sort of perception or self talk of some sort. This can include: feeling happy, sad, mad, angry, stressed, scared, annoyed, etc. Any of those feelings were followed by a perception. So let’s say you see a street fight, and you are a person that likes street fights. I personally like to watch them, on the other hand, I know people who dislike watching street fights… so what’s the difference? Number 2 and 3….
- Situation - Street Fight.
- Perception – Wow! Awesome! I wonder who’s going to win.
- Feeling - Excited and curious.
Get it??? Now to get rid of a specific fear, like approaching women, we must first change our perception or number 2. The way I found it worked with me was two ways.
- Affirmations - Walk around all day with a pen and notebook and start catching all your negative beliefs. Especially when you’re presented with the stressful situation. What are you saying to yourself? Example: If I go over and talk to that girl, she will reject me and humiliate me.
- Practice - Yes practice! If you are afraid of snakes… don’t just say to yourself all day, “I love snakes!” You have to actually go out there and start getting closer to snakes. Little by little. In this case, start approaching women, and feel and peck the pain in the belly!
This is a very effective method guys! I used it…and it changed me… I still have some negative or limiting beliefs in me since I was very, very affected growing up, but I am so much better and happier than I used to be. Just remember, when catching your negative thoughts, one thing is to catch yourself saying a negative belief to yourself and another thing is catching it and writing it down. And changing them to affirmations. It’s more powerful. You must record them, and listen to them in the morning, noon, and at night before going to sleep. It’s also important how you record them with enthusiasm, and don’t give up! Keep going! Once the affirmations start to annoy you, don’t stop! It just means your subconscious mind is about to experience change! And remember some negative thoughts are way harder to spot than others… Keep at it, and you will see change! I promise you! You will see change! But you will always stay the same if you just give up and don’t do it!
“I can care less what people think of me. I am a social alpha male who goes after what he wants, and people love that about me!”
Kingpin
Last Thoughts from Dan Silverman
I cannot stress how important fieldwork is guys. Get off your computer, go out there, and do this! Or else I’ll come over there and slap the wuss, excuser, AFC, worker bee, chode, or whatever term you associate yourself with, out of you!!!