The first factor is motivation. I’ll often see new guys come into the forums with questions, who are eager to learn, but I’ve realized that time effectively weeds out those who are willing to make the commitment to change and those looking for a quick fix. If a guy sticks in this for three months, then he’s usually one of the guys who are serious about making that change. However, going down this road is no easy feat by any means. It involves discovering core weaknesses and flaws, a multitude of rejections and frustrations that tear at your self-esteem, possibly losing old friends, placing yourself in extremely uncomfortable and at times embarrassing situations, and immeasurable effort and commitment that can often be tedious. Under the “Mastery Learning Curve,” which we at Miami Dating Coach explain in great detail at our boot camps, you will even find times when you simply don’t see yourself getting better, or even worse. Is it no wonder why so many simply can’t take the pain and push through it all?

For those that choose to though, there are only two answers. I once heard someone say that the only way he got through the pain period was through “blind faith.” Blind faith that this works, blind faith that one day he will get to the level he desires, blind faith that his hard work and commitment will pay off…because if not, there’s nothing else. The only other option is to go back to living the life you wanted to change, and for those with enough motivation, that is simply not an option. This is exactly what I encountered during my personal journey and what it takes. Without blind faith in what you’re learning, regardless of any immediate proof or success, there’s no way someone can get through those hard times.

The second answer is your drive, that motivating force. For some of you, like myself, it’s because you feel passionate for this and love “The Game” and the social psychology behind it. For others, it might be due to a deep wound, such as being dumped or never having any success with women. Finally, for other groups, it could just be you want to finally lose your virginity, simply want more options, hope to find your ideal girl, or maybe you don’t even know and require some soul searching to find your drive. Whatever your reason might be, the more powerful drive you have the better you will become. The more drive you have, the more time and energy you will put into this, not only making you better, but making you better faster.

The second factor to achieving your ideal success is learning. To be more accurate, the factor would be how to learn. The problem is most guys who begin this don’t know the proper way of learning what is being taught. Poor learning styles stem from three issues, namely the learning motivation, scientific approach vs. natural approach, and sticking point analysis. The two types of learning motivation are “Mastery Oriented” and “Result Oriented.” Those who are result oriented care about performing well and the results they can get from it. These types of learners are dependant on the judgments made of them, whether it’s the girl they’re interacting with, their friends, and often themselves. They care strongly about looking good in front of others, need positive feedback, and avoid negative judgments about their ability. Mastery oriented learners want to continually improve their skills and abilities, understand that they are developing a skill set that takes time to master, care more about the long term goals than the short term goals, are open to and value all forms of feedback, regardless if it’s negative or positive, and most importantly, care more about the process than the result. A result oriented learner can still become good, especially if he is already confident in his abilities, but it becomes much more difficult.

The next learning problem comes from those who either try a scientific approach or natural approach. The scientific approach consists largely of outer game and deals with the “how to” of pick up and dating. People who take this approach focus on lines, routines, tactics, and a very structured, almost step by step instruction for how to get the girl. The problem here, though, is it often turns men into what’s called “social robots,” who demonstrate no real personality or authenticity and become jaded and one dimensional. On the other end of the spectrum, there are guys who start off doing a natural approach, focused mostly on inner game, and these guys often become weird, miscalibrated, and often chaotic when it comes to the skill set. These guys will try off the wall tactics that, while pushing their comfort zone and increasing self amusement, have no actual basis for a solid interaction, and often cause them to be laughed at or can even frighten some girls.

Ideally, what you would want to do is start off with the scientific approach for a particular skill, such as opening, and once a successful skill set is internalized, begin to transition it into something more natural that’s congruent with your unique personality. This is why Miami Dating Coach is the first, and one of the only companies, to offer both an outer game and inner game boot camp to help show clients how to accomplish this effectively.

Finally, the last main learning problem comes from poor sticking point analysis. This is when I see guys who have been doing this for a while, in some cases even longer then myself, and still have problems in basic areas and are not seeing success. The problem is they try to work on everything at once and don’t take care of problematic issues piece by piece. While it’s true that, often enough, just going out and practicing by approaching and interacting with women will auto-correct most problems, many times an analysis of reoccurring problems that happen in your interactions are needed.

By discovering where most interactions go bad, possible solutions to try and fix the problem, and implementing the solutions with practice, your skill can increase drastically. It should also be pointed out that many times the problem might not be obvious, such as something you are doing way before the interaction goes badly, or something that you can’t directly notice, such as your body language. This is the cause for endless frustration for many men practicing pick up and what, as a dating coach, I am skilled at recognizing quickly and finding the best solutions, to take out all the guess work.

It’s pretty clear that understanding how to properly be motivated, and the right way to learn, is just as important as the skill set itself. Pick up, teaching, and learning are all arts, and by taking college and graduate level lessons in educational psychology, learning and motivation, and teaching tactics, I was able to ensure I knew the right way to learn pick up. Something I pass along on all my boot camps. Through my experience teaching boot camps, I ensure that you don’t simply learn the material and are good for a weekend, but that you continue to improve and constantly get better months, and even years, after taking a boot camp with me.

Stay motivated and learn the right way.

Jarett AKA Psych,
MDC Instructor

“The only thing that stands between a man and what he wants from life is often merely the will to try it and the faith to believe that it is possible.” - Richard M. Devos

-Brian-

Albert thrives speaking in front of groups, large or small, and has an inherent socially vibrant personality.  Albert is a consummate student of the game who is constantly refining and developing concepts and techniques that can be implemented both in and out of the dating arena.
His areas of expertise are:

• Identity Grounding
• Dominant Body Language
• Group Dynamics
• Alpha Presence
• Transitions
• Cold Reads
• Push/Pull
• Bantering
• Frame control
• Phone Game
• Text Game
• Online Game
• Day 2’s
• Personal Health and Fitness

In fact I suggest that all guys, including advanced, touch back on the fundamentals and make sure that they are either improving or not getting worse. This is a practice I do often actually. So exactly what are the fundamentals of game? I’ve thought about this and came up with the following…

-Body Language

-Tonality

-Eye Contact

-Light Kino (or touch) that isn’t creepy

-Vibing

-Being NORMAL

If you lack any of these six things then any other form of game is a complete waste of time. These six things make up the cake, the rest of game is the icing and decorating. Without the icing you might have a mediocre cake but with only the icing you don’t even have a cake. So lets break down each of these six things to get you started.

1. Body Language

In my mind there are two levels to Body Language. First thing to learn is the “Alpha” Body Language. Basically taking up space, chest out, chin up, back straight ect ect. There are countless articles and exercises out there to develop this, from the Alexander Technique to imagining a string running down your spine. The idea is to give off a dominant and powerful masculine energy that portrays confidence. Your nonverbal signs are 93% of your communication, your actual words being only 7%.

Now keep in mind that with all new skill sets in game you’re going to go overboard with everything and overdo it…this is actually a GOOD thing because you can only calibrate what’s appropriate by doing to much of something and then balancing it. If it’s not to much then you’re not pushing yourself and if it’s been to much for a while then you need to learn to tone it back down again.

The second level to learn once the first is down is how to relax. You don’t want to be the guy who constantly has to look like superman and is always caught on the idea of looking alpha. It’s time to relax your shoulders and develop more fluid carefree motions. The most powerful form of body language is looking completely at ease and comfortable in your own skin, again without it seeming try hard though. Later on once these are down you can learn more advanced body language for particular situations such as opening, rapport building, sexual, take away’s ect ect.

2. Tonality

This is by far one of the hardest to learn with the exception of “being normal” for some people. Speaking clearly without mumbling, talking in a loud and crisp voice, getting rid of any kind of stutter or pause fillers such as “uh” “um” “you know” “like” or anything similar. Your voice should also be animated and lively, if you have a monotonous voice then anything you say will be boring and people will not pay attention to you. Always try and speak from your diaphragm which is located between your chest and stomach, being nasal is the most unattractive voice quality. Finally as a guy having a deep voice will always help and it should sound strong and masculine. This is actually where I could still develop the furthest out of the six fundamentals and will probably take vocal lessons to improve my tonality, that’s how serious it is.

3. Eye Contact

Again there are two levels for this one. The first is basic eye contact where you are simply able to hold someones gaze, especially a girls. You shouldn’t be staring but instead be relaxed by it and give almost a curious energy through your eyes. Looking at her tits or ass will be doom for you, unless it’s done in an advanced way but again we’re focusing on the cake not the icing, and I even had a girl shit test me one time on this. I was on a date and the girl had double D tits and began jumping up and down in front of me acting happy. The entire time I kept my eyes locked on hers while smirking and finally she stopped and looked at me and said “very good”.

Keep in mind the eyes can betray submissiveness by darting your eyes away or especially by looking down. Once this is mastered then the second level would be sexual eye contact. This is hard to explain in words but it’s basically looking at a girl with your full desire for her being expressed through your eyes. It takes great confidence and nonverbally puts everything out on the table. With sexual eye contact you are still looking into her eyes and should have what’s called “laser eyes” where you maintain eye contact completely. With sexual eye contact even if she looks away your eyes should be focused on hers, this is not staring or being creepy about it though and can often be misinterpreted through writing. Best way to learn this is by watching movies and observing the actors eyes before he kisses the girl or even better going out in field and observing a natural. When you see a natural with a girl watch the way he looks at her and see if you can tell his strong sexual intent for her just from his eyes, if you can then you’re seeing it done right.

4. Light Kino

Many guys in field have one of the two problems. Either they can’t muster the courage to even touch a girl in any way or else they are incredibly aggressive and creep the girl out with uncomfortable kino. If you’re the first you MUST get over this and begin touching the girl. You should actually be touching not just her but everyone, even guys! Pats on the shoulder, elbow touches, light hand holds, upper back and the such. Basically if a guy can’t get light touch going how in the world does he expect to get sexual touching going. Also the longer you are in an interaction with a girl and not touching her the more precedent you set for NOT touching her and when you finally do it will be much more awkward and uncomfortable. This doesn’t mean you have to touch RIGHT from the approach, although you can, but definitely within the first 2-3 minutes.

For the aggressive guy just tone it down. This guy is definitely better then the first but women will often find you creepy. The reason for aggressive touching early on is either being drunk, way to sexual and horny, or trying to be “alpha”. If it’s the first then drink less or not at all. If it’s the second then really just try and control yourself, keep in mind that if you control yourself now you’ll be able to get all the touching you want later. For the third guy he needs to get over the idea of being so “alpha” and tone it down, if your aggressive kino hasn’t been working why not try it another way?
5. Vibing

This is basically being able to hold a normal and pleasant conversation without any motive. Can you talk with a girl comfortably about anything and engage in what is called “fluff talk”? If not then even though you have all these cool attraction routines and interesting stories she’ll become uncomfortable with you or else never see you as a real person. Vibing helps build familiarity and is a way to show that you’re normal (see number 6). Point blank if you can’t talk to a girl normally then how do you expect to talk to her in a way that makes her attracted to you? To practice this begin conversations with everyone and see how long you can keep it flowing while talking about every day things. Chances are though you already know how to vibe. Think of your conversations with your best friend or family member, pretty easy going and normal without an agenda. The idea is to duplicate that with a stranger and the best way I’ve seen is by assuming rapport and just talking to her as relaxed as possible without any investment or care in the interaction.

6. Being NORMAL

This is the hardest to teach for those trying to learn. Many guys who come into this community are straight up weird and then begin learning advanced attraction material which makes them MORE weird. No matter how much theory or routines you know if you can’t be normal with a girl she will see through you and want nothing to do with you. Some weirdness is OK though and shows individuality…it can be cute quirks to a personality. However for the most part you want to be a normal fun guy. Without that as the backbone of your game then NOTHING will work. The best way to develop being normal is to engage in a bunch of different activities so that you’re thrown in social settings. Also developing social circles is EXTREMELY useful. You should have social circles of normal cool guys (not the D&D buddies sorry) as well as social circles of attractive girls. It’s OK to be in the friend zone, you WANT female friends. You will not become normal though by spending all your time discussing game with community guys or have the only idea of social interactions be from your nights of sarging. Also developing a sense of humor will help tremendously.

Alright so those are the fundamentals and I suggest everyone, no matter what your skill level is, to look into at least one of these things and try and improve it. These are all seriously the frames that hold up your game and if one should weaken due to lack of attention or development then it will all come down.

-Jarett aka Psych

Let your inner Samantha Jones shine. 

However, most of the time, if you have sex with a guy on the first night you meet him or the first date, it will turn out to be a one night stand and you may never see him again.  This isn’t always a bad thing depending on what you want. 

If you are looking for something a bit longer or maybe you really like this guy a lot, you will need to do a bit of waiting.  He needs to earn your trust and your closeness first.  By waiting, you show a certain respect for the relationship that you both are building.  You also give him the opportunity to work for you, and everyone values what they work for much more than what’s simply handed to them.  If he is not willing to wait, he is not looking for the same thing you are looking for and should probably move on. 

However, if you wait too long, you may frustrate him and soon become his conquest that he has to conquer.  He will likely stop enjoying the build up of the relationship and just want to get it over with.  This is not what you want.  This is also a common mistake that many women make.  If he shows signs of genuine interest in pursuing a relationship with you, then you may decide to have sex.  Genuine interest is not in the words, but in the actions.  Make sure the sex is good and worth the wait!  He will appreciate it that much more.

Start off with some playful teasing.  Teasing helps to make him laugh and build a bit of sexual tension.  You can also talk about surface things such as some of the interesting things that happened to you or saw that day.  Allow things to flow and don’t force conversation.  If you have any interests that you share, you can talk about that as well.  Also, beware of turning the conversation dry by exchanging facts about each other.  That can come across as boring and kills attraction.  Try to keep the conversation flow stimulating.  You can talk about the most random things as long as you’re having fun doing it.  Don’t forget to add a bit of subliminal and explicit sexuality.

One way for example is to have a friend of yours introduce you two.  You can always have someone else introduce you.  This is especially useful if your friend knows the guy.  It wasn’t you who did the approach, it just happened and now that you two know each other, you can approach him in the future because you are now acquaintances. 

But what if no one knows the guy?  Let’s say that it’s at a club and you are with friends.  The most important thing to do to get a guy’s attention at a club is to make yourself available.  Most men don’t want to face rejection or risk creating a big scene.  If you are surrounded by a bunch of your male friends, he may think you’re with one of them and won’t want to disrespect a possible boyfriend.  Even if you are just with women, he may not want to feel like he is bothering you since you are out with just the girls.  This is a reason why it feels like only assholes approach you, since they don’t have this desire to be respectful.  Go take bathroom breaks or go to the bar where the path is conveniently near him.  Make eye contact with him and smile to indicate that you are interested.  If he has great taste in women and has the confidence, he will approach you on your way back.  If you make eye contact with him more than twice and he still won’t approach you, either he is gay or is not man enough to talk to you and isn’t what you are looking for in the first place. 

Another great way to directly approach a guy is to ask him to take a picture of you and your friends.  You can even joke around and have him take pictures with you.  Have your friends talk to his buddies while you two talk and get to know each other.