Did a ton of approaches up and down Duval Street on Saturday night. Though I wasn’t a total failure, I can’t say there was one actual success all night long. And that’s weird. In my AFC days, I had more success at Key West by just standing with my group of friends and allowing women to approach me. This time, though I was approaching women left and right, I couldn’t even get a little tongue action.
In general, I think that my game was too scattered last night. I was all over the place, not just physically, but mentally. I was drunk, and I really didn’t have a focus or plan on what to say and how to lead the conversation. My only plan was to approach as many women and sets as possible. At that, at least, I can say I succeeded.
I approached everywhere: at the bars, on the streets, in pizza parlors, in front of the bathrooms, to entire bachelorette parties…everywhere. I can honestly say that I was able to keep my anxiety under control last night and just go up to women and talk.
However, some sets didn’t open. Some opened, but weak. The opener I used most was the Two-Part Kiss opener, but it just didn’t seem to work too well for me. I guess I wasn’t delivering it well. I also used the Spells Routine and just some openers on things that I picked up on from the set or the girls.
Now, here’s one major problem I noticed. When I open sets, I don’t tend to grab the entire group’s attention. Usually I’ll catch a few, 2-3, and then one or two will lose interest so that I’m left talking only to one. I know this is a major problem, as that really takes away from my social proof. I don’t know why this happens.
Another of my problems during this night was having to scream over loud music. I could barely hear myself talk, and at one point in the night, I even lost my voice because of all the routines I kept trying to YELL at girls.
Another major problem I found was transitioning from the opening routine to other things. I know I should have just been blatant about this. I know this now. But last night, for some reason, I couldn’t find a way to just transition to the lying game or the cube, and I got stuck fluffing. AFC shit.
Here’s a problem I ran into 3 times last night: I couldn’t get the girl to move with me to a quieter place. I think it’s because I hadn’t created enough attraction and comfort. Since I was stuck running fluff instead of DHV routines, I think that I didn’t generate the interest necessary to get the girl to follow me around. One was with her brother and his girlfriend, and though I’d spent about five minutes talking to her, she gave me the protective brother line and said he wouldn’t let her out of his sight. Another just wouldn’t separate from her group of bachelorettes. She did invite me to hang with her group, but I thought following her around would lower my status, so we separated.
I think my body language needs work, too. Looking back now, I realize that I must have been pecking the shit out of the girls. The places were so loud, I kept leaning in to scream my routines at them. That’s something I really need to work on: getting rid of the need to make myself heard by getting close to the girls. For some reason, I can’t seem to remember when I’m out.
Another thing I think hurt me last night was that I wanted to try lots of different routines. I think this early on, I should just use one and stick with it. Style talks about this, I think. Know the canned material so well that it’s ready for any eventuality in the conversation. Since I was trying to use so many new things, I wasn’t ready for some of the responses and reactions, and I just stood there blank sometimes trying to think of what to say next.
One final story: my final sarge of the night was also my best one. I approached two blondes and opened with something I can’t remember now, but I opened. As before, I opened both, but the one I was really interested in left after about 15 seconds, and I was left talking to the other one, who was still hot, so I plowed ahead (I really want to work on keeping the whole set there and engaged…could my drunkenness have had something to do with this?). Somehow, we got on the topic of her Ivy League education, so I jumped on that because recently, I’d learned a logic test they gave to Dartmouth applicants. She was really into the test, when all of a sudden another of her friends—this one fat, bitchy blonde that I hadn’t seen before (and who I would actively have avoided noticing)—swoops in like a mother hen: “I don’t know what you’re doing, but you’ve got to leave her alone right now!” And she grabbed my target—literally grabbed her by the arm—and dragged her into the line at the pizza counter and froze me out.
I wish I had known something to put that whore in her place, but of course, I was so flabbergasted that I couldn’t find a single thing to say. I even stood for about two seconds without moving. Finally, I said something lame to my target about friends blocking opportunities and ruining fun moments in lives. I think that I should have laughed and played around with the fat bitch, but at that moment I was so pissed and surprised, that I really didn’t know what to do.
So, I have lots of things I need to work on. But I’m proud that at least I was able to make the approaches when I was out on my own. This was the first time I took a proactive approach to opening sets. I just approached at every single opportunity. That is something I never would have done before, so I have to give myself credit for at least trying that out. Also, when I screwed up sets and walked away, you know what I learned? It’s not a big deal. So what? Next set is two seconds away, and I get to try again. So just for that lesson, I think I had a successful night out.
Still, I want to get better. I want to get to the point where I can kiss close 90% of my approaches within twenty minutes. I want to get to the point where I can merge sets with ease, walk with two girls on my arms to a new set and open easily. Those are things that I’ve read about. That accomplishment is out of my reach right now, and I know I’m going to have to work my ass off to get there.
After the first night out, I thought this whole thing was going to come easy to me. Now I see that each step forward forces two steps back.
Hopefully, I’ll take another step forward this upcoming week.
End of Field Report
Kingpin’s Comments (Former MDC Instructor)
What I can tell you is… congrats on all the approaches… because that’s where we all have to start from. We recommend you go with the MM (mystery method) so you always know where you are in your sarges. Learn the M3 model and what A1 A2 A3 C1 C2 C3 S1 S2 S3 mean.
All those approaches you did were good… why? Because after the approaches you have questions. Lots of questions. And you’re actually analyzing and trying to figure out what you did wrong. Again, congrats! That’s the first step. That night you were playing around with the fear of approaching, and you were getting experience with your lines and openers. That’s great.
If you can write down what you learned that night, and what you could have improved (which you practically did), do it with a bit more detail so you can start on your path.
First thing to start out with in this game is:
1. Inner game – We all have inner game issues. All of us. Because we are humans and have our imperfections. And there are ways and methods to deal with this.
2. Body language – Which I didn’t see a problem with you, except for the pecking and tone of voice.
3. How to approach – And this is a combination of body language, your openers, rooting your opener, giving time constraints, calibration, smile, and most important of all your energy levels.
Now, all that covers only opening. You have to practice all those things I just wrote to you and when you get good at that, you can move on to building attraction.
Every night you go out you must have a mission and a set of default openers. For example, your mission next time you go out should be your tone of voice, and the pecking problem. Just concentrate on that
All night long, for how many nights it takes, for how many sets it takes, practice until you can confidently say, “I have the pecking and voice tone problem under control.” and then move on to another sticking point.
Like you said, if you go out and you are just all over the place, you will confuse yourself and end up fluff talking AFC stuff. Although, that’s not a bad thing since you forced yourself to stay in set.
Hope this helps…
Remember, always have a mission when you go out to sarge in order to improve quickly.
Former MDC Instructor
I can see a lot of inner game work that needs to be done on you. Let’s start off with the first thing you said, “I wasn’t a total failure, I can’t say there was one actual success all night long.” This is a negative and limiting belief. It’s a successful night if your accomplished your goals, learned something and had a good time doing it. Towards the end of your field report you said, “This was the first time I took a proactive approach to opening sets. I just approached at every single opportunity. That is something I never would have done before, so I have to give myself credit for at least trying that out.” So remember this if you think that night was a failure. You went out and did your field work, which makes you differentiate yourself from most of the other guys in the community.
The tongue thing will come to you soon, as long as you make that your mission to get there. Maybe someday along the way, you’ll realize you want something else, but as long as you at least have some kind of mission, you will improve.
You may feel like your game is scattered because this is all new to you. Don’t get discouraged. You have to intuitively learn the social patterns that exist when you’re in set. It may seem all wacky, and you feel like you need to learn more material, but don’t think it’s because you don’t know enough material. You just don’t “see the matrix” yet. You’ll understand what I mean after your 100th approach.
Your approaches were weak because, in my opinion, you aren’t using your voice properly. Since you almost lost your voice, this tells me you aren’t speaking from your diaphragm. Ask me to show you how to do this in person. Stand straight up, take a deep breath and let your stomach fill with air. Don’t raise your shoulders. Then, press your diaphragm with your hand as you exhale and say, “Huuuuuuuuuu…” If you feel vibration there where your hand is, you’re speaking properly. If you feel the vibration in your throat, you’re doing it wrong. Most of the work is breathing correctly.
I think the problem with that girl you tried to isolate was that you didn’t win over the brother. Here is a little technique you can use… Talk to the brother and get him to like you. You win over men by playing to their egos. Make them feel like they are shit and they’ll love you for it. In fact, he’ll give you his sister on a silver platter if you get really good at gaming men. Once you have him won over, ask to borrow his sister for a “couple seconds to show her something cool cause you feel like you’ve been ignoring her.” and grab her hand. Tell them that you’ll save them a couple seats and to come by in a few. Do some kino compliance testing as you walk her to the isolation area.
Try not to let yourself react to surprise obstacles cockblocking you. Remember, the game is always volatile. If you feel yourself losing emotional control in set, take a deep breath and assess the situation, realize it’s just a game, and then play. As you thought about it, you realized you shouldn’t have gotten pissed off and should have played with the obstacle and kept a smile. You already know what to do. Just realize from now on when you lose control.
Keep on sarging. The more practice you get, the better you will get. It can get frustrating, but don’t fret. You gotta feel the pain to get the gain.
Great field report.
MDC Executive Dating Coach
“We are people, we are people, we are not machines with manuals.”