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So you’ve made up your mind, and you are now committed to do anything it takes to get the social aspect of your
life handled. That’s great! In order to reach any goal in your life, you must be committed all the way until you achieve
it. The way I see it, there are three steps to success.
1) Decide exactly what you want.
2) Decide what price you
are willing to pay in order to make it happen.
3) Pay the price.
1) So you’ve decided exactly what you
want out of your social life. Be it dating different women, being more confident or simply knowing how to deal with all types
of people in your everyday life. The key in this step is to be exact with what you want. If it’s dating different women,
how many women do you want to date at any given time? If it’s being more confident, what is it that you want to accomplish
by having that confidence? You have to be exact with what you want.
2) So now that you know exactly what you want,
you must be willing to pay the price for that which you desire. In other words, how bad do you want it? Are you really willing
to do anything it takes to get it handled? Are you willing to do the exercises and sacrifices that are demanded from you in
order to achieve it? Or are you just going to say, “I’ll do it tomorrow”? This is the part where you make
a contract with yourself to do anything it takes to achieve that goal, even if it means hard times. Everything worth having
in this life is hard work, if not, every single person would be successful at everything. You must work hard and be committed
because in the end, only the ones who work hard towards what they want reach success.
3) Now that you have made decisions
for steps 1 and 2, you are ready to pay the price. This is the part where it gets a bit rough. This is the part where all
of your daily decisions affect whether you get closer to that goal or not. This is where your commitment and sacrifices come
into play. Let’s say for instance, it’s a Saturday night and all your friends feel like staying home instead of
going out. What happens then? You might feel the urge to stay home as well and watch that favorite show or movie of yours,
although you know you’re supposed to be out improving your social skills. Your decision at that specific place and time
affects how closer you will be getting to your goal. You might start giving yourself several excuses like how pathetic it
is to go out by yourself, or how your tired and you’ll go out next weekend. Once you convince yourself of these excuses
then you only went as far as steps 1, broke your promise to step 2 and never reached step 3. It is very important to stay
committed and really meant it.
Here is a little passage from the book “Mastering Your Hidden Self: A Guide to
the Huna Way”, that is very important to read as often as possible.
“Determination, an unswerving will,
is actually the continuous, conscious directing of attention and awareness toward a given end for a purpose. And this is accomplished
by continuously renewing the decisions or choices made to reach the given end, in spite of apparent obstacles and difficulties.
A person with such a will, that is, such an ability to keep renewing a decision, does not get discouraged by mistakes, and
failures. If one method used to reach his goal does not work after repeated tries, he tries another, and then another, until
he finds one that does work, even if it means he has to change himself. A person with so-called ‘weak will’ is
simply someone who uses the same conscious will power that everyone has to change his mind about continuing toward a goal.
In other words, he just makes a different decision, a decision not to continue, while the first person makes a decision to
continue.”
Like the passage said, it is very important while learning to change your habits, to remind yourself
daily of what your end purpose is, and why it’s important to you, while you continue your progress.
If you are
going to start going to out to socialize in clubs, bars and other places that you might not feel comfortable, just go out
there different days, to have a beer and hangout, in order to start feeling comfortable with the environment. But make it
a habit to just get yourself out there.
Last thing that I wanted to mention is to have fun with all of this. This doesn’t
have to be stressful and agonizing, just go out there with the mentally of having a good time. Little by little you will see
how you will start getting better and better. This is no different than learning any other skill or sport.
Good Luck
everyone!
Kingpin
MDC Executive Coach
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